{"id":3997,"date":"2018-01-31T12:50:50","date_gmt":"2018-01-31T18:50:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/etereman.com\/remanu\/?p=3997"},"modified":"2018-01-31T12:50:50","modified_gmt":"2018-01-31T18:50:50","slug":"growing-shrinking-and-being-ok-either-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/etereman.com\/remanu\/2018\/01\/31\/growing-shrinking-and-being-ok-either-way\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing, Shrinking, and Being Ok Either Way"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\nI am one of those stubbornly independent, obstinate types. I can lift that. I can do this without help. No, I got it, thanks. Doctor? Why? It\u2019ll heal<\/em>. \u201cIf you want something done right, do it yourself,\u201d I say!
\nExcept, I can\u2019t. I can\u2019t do it all. I find myself inflicted with a semi-voluntary, temporary condition that requires help, dependence, and regular care from medical professionals, colleagues, and significant others alike.
\nInstead of making my way through the entire store to find what I need because I can, in fact, solve this logic puzzle, I really do need to ask the obligatorily helpful staff member where the thingy is because my feet hurt \u2013 a lot.
\nInstead of devising clever ways to prop and lift heavy bins and crates by myself because I can<\/em> do it, I must, in fact, gather the aid of another for team lifts, or, heaven forbid, the directing of lifting and moving on my behalf.
\nAt 12:30 AM one very early morning, awoken from a deep sleep with chest pains, I found myself on my couch being talked into going to the emergency room from triage nurse and significant other alike. That\u2019s what you do when you have chest pains. You go to the ER. \u201cIt isn\u2019t that bad. It will probably go away. It\u2019s nothing,\u201d I lied and lied to myself.
\nBeing wheeled around in a hospital bed is the ultimate submission. It says, I do not have this.<\/em> I need help. It\u2019s scary and puts your life into perspective. I said weakly a couple of times, \u201cYou go home, get some sleep. I\u2019m fine.\u201d It fell on ears sick of my crap, and for once, I was really glad to be ignored, because as fine as I would have been lying in a very bright hospital room in the middle of the night by myself, it was a far superior experience with company.
\nAround 5 AM, I sent a blurry-eyed email to my team from my hospital bed informing them that it would probably be best if I didn\u2019t go in to work that day. I wanted to, really, we had stuff to discuss at our meeting, and my to-do list? Long. But, no. It would probably be best for me and my co-inhabitant if I maybe just got some sleep. I guess. I mean, should I go in?<\/em>
\nThe choice was taken out of my hands: to do because I can <\/em>do and therefore should<\/em> do or not to do because, well, I can\u2019t. I was liberated from my controlled independence for the very first time and semi-successfully in the hereafter.
\nTurns out, there are benefits to shrinking your bandwidth:<\/p>\n