I cry. I ugly cry. I get jealous. I get professional jealousy. I am short. I sell myself short. I procrastinate. I procrastinate on my dreams. I judge. I often judge quickly without the correct amount of information to do so. I eat donuts. I eat a lot of donuts. My hair does this thing in the back that just… You get the idea. You might observe this list and say, “Why, donuts are awesome! What the heck?” I jest. Just as beauty is, ugly is relative.
I make an active choice to see my own ugly. It’s in how I address myself in the mirror. It’s in how I think about people I see or work with. It’s in what I brood about on the drive home, while I’m cooking, venting, lying in bed, and on the drive into work the next day. It’s how I treat people. I see it reflected there the most. And what I see in that mirror is not always pretty.
Take for example a co-worker, family member by association, or regularly encountered acquaintance who brings out your ugly. We shall call this person Terry.
Somewhere along the way, Terry inspired the teeth grinding, fist clenching, eye rolling, sighing instead of regular breathing person within us. And try as you might to ignore, avoid, or just not give a donut, there you are grinding, clenching, rolling, and sighing in Terry’s presence. It’s exhausting. It’s annoying. And perhaps most importantly, if you work or socialize with Terry regularly, it’s not productive.
Rather than willing this person out of existence (guilty) or having a meltdown (guilty) or suddenly becoming busy when that person arrives (guilty), confront what optional ugly you may have that can be acknowledged, embraced, and forgiven–for Terry’s sake and your own.

• Why on earth won’t Terry shut up about bagels? They are obviously the inferior breakfast carb. Every time Terry mentions bagels, my head wants to explode! Ack!
  • What about that is annoying – bagels or just the persistent interest? What do I always talk about? Donuts. Is that annoying? To a bagel obsessor it just might be. We all have that thing. Maybe, just maybe, Terry and I can agree that round breakfasts with delightful holes in the middle conquer all others.
• Terry isn’t very good at playing Bingo. We play bingo together all the time, and yet Terry doesn’t improve. It’s annoying and comprises my own bingo experience.
  • Well, bingo obviously isn’t Terry’s game. What do I care that Terry isn’t good at Bingo – don’t I just win more? Is there something I’m as bad at? Undoubtedly. I should take Terry under my wing and share strategies that work for me. Or better yet, is there a game Terry might like more or perform better at? Bagel/donut tic-tac-toe? Ask Terry. Try.
• Terry just… ugh… Terry!
  • I don’t like Terry. This isn’t good. You can’t like everyone, probably, but it’s better to like or at least not mind than it is to walk around with annoyance, frustration, and even malice. It takes a toll: the nearly permanent scowl marks on my forehead, hair pulling, tears even – it may not be ugly, but it isn’t pretty.

Each of these, though relatively ugly about Terry, reflect something ugly about me, too. Instead of looking at Terry, I look at me. What can I control? What can I forgive? How can I help Terry?
We’re all a little ugly, but we’re all a little beautiful too. All it takes is some hard looking in the mirror. Own your ugly and find your beauty… and Terry’s too.

 The Rhythm of Reman makes as active choice to see her own ugly. Are you letting what you can’t control get in your own way? Comment below or connect with Andee directly.
photo credit: © felix– stock.adobe.com