When did the excitement and adventure fade? When did it become ok to be satisfied with being on the giving or receiving end of the bare minimum? What happened to a sense of fulfillment and joy and pure passion. Why are there no more long walks on the beach? How did we lose the spark, but more importantly how can we get it back? This is not marriage counseling 101. Not in the traditional form, but in that, “I love my job, but I’m not in love with it anymore” kind of way. 

Remember in the beginning, when you would get up early just to make sure you had the perfect outfit to wear? Makeup was flawless and there wasn’t a hair out of place. You had a healthy lunch packed the night before and plenty of time to eat your oatmeal before you started your commute. On your way in you mentally planned your day, and you were ready to hit the ground running as soon as you punched in fifteen minutes early. But gone is the Honeymoon phase. Now you stroll in with seconds to spare. Hair hidden under a hat, socks that may not match (who sees them anyways), and a half eaten gas station sandwich stashed in your bag. You no longer mentally plan for your day but rather prepare yourself just to get through it. Your exhilaration is gone, as is the need to impress. You know what to expect, the mundaneness  ever present. You are no longer in love with your job, you may not even be in like with it. If you hit this point you have two choices; rekindle the spark or get a divorce. 

In every great love story the partners have trust and security, open and healthy communication. A sense of worth and respect fuels the desire for continued growth and commitment to the relationship.  Needs and roles change, and these changes are embraced rather than resented. 

Like all relationships, it takes two. The employer and the employee are equally responsible to ensure that love never dies. After years of being together how do we keep that flame from smoldering?

• Never Assume: That nagging feeling that you did something wrong but don’t know what it is. Thinking your boss is upset with you but you don’t know why. Replaying a response over and over and dissecting its meaning. Stop analyzing and start asking. Often you will find that your imagination is flaring up, but if there is an issue this opens the door for open and effective communication. 

• Wear the Lipstick: Get fancied up. Ditch the leggings for a nice jeans and sweater ensemble. Advertise your wins. Sell yourself all over again. Ask to do something more, or different. Create excitement. Make sure that your greatness is celebrated and not just expected. 

• Demand Gratification: This goes for both the employee and the boss. Do not settle for mediocre. Push those on your team to go from good to great. Be the team mate that goes above and beyond and helps the rest of the group grow. Be a standard setter! Ask for what you need but be willing to give in return.

• Do Not Keep Secrets: Don’t mull. As a boss, if you are unhappy with something someone did, say something. As a team member, you have the right to understand what changes are being made and how they affect your day to day. Be honest, be open. Otherwise we end up assuming and you know what that means. 

• Divorce If Necessary: Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. Sometimes what worked for years no longer does. People change. The job evolves. If it no longer brings you happiness, and the relationship is irrevocably broken, move on. Neither party will benefit from working in misery and delaying the inevitable. 

Relationships, both personal and professional, are hard work. It takes two to tango, and two to keep the fire alive. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! I wish you all true love, happiness and the ability to rekindle your spark!